Kindergarten isn't for boys

Academic pressure may be leaving boys behind in early elementary classrooms

Aug 14, 2025

Summer’s basically over. Happy Thursday!

I don’t flatter myself to assume anyone is sitting around wondering why I’m not writing more here. We’ve had a busy family calendar over the spring and summer and I prioritized those activities over keeping up with my discretionary personal newsletter. I’m back today with a newsletter in my original format.

I’m hoping to write more now that we’re getting back into regular routines. If I fail, though, just remember: This newsletter is worth what you pay for it!

1. I remember when kindergarten was fun

School is back in Indianapolis and I’m feeling more anxiety about that than I did a year ago.

Kindergarten did not go well for my son, or at least not the first half of the year. He complained about boredom, we received near-constant disciplinary complaints from teachers and we were repeatedly told that he was lagging behind other children in learning — and, worse, holding them back by being a distraction.

These issues were new to us. Our son had thrived the previous year in pre-K and his daycare teachers adored him. We accepted the reality that something was wrong, but nothing we tried seemed to help.

After perhaps our most difficult and frustrating period of parenting, my wife and I made the only remaining change within our power. We moved our son to a different school mid-year. The problems ended literally overnight. Our son bonded with his teacher, re-engaged in learning, followed teachers’ instructions and, by the end of the year, tested well above his grade level in language arts and math.

We’ll never know exactly what went wrong at the first school. But I have a theory.

Kindergarten is just not designed for boys.

If you are an Old Millennial like me, you might remember a play-based experience in kindergarten. That is no longer the vibe. Our son’s first kindergarten class included a lot of time sitting and doing work. We could sense his teacher was working hard to prepare students for first grade — with a level of intensity that certainly didn’t exist when I was that age. My kindergarten class went half-days and my only real memories involve goofing around.

After our son switched schools, though, his new classroom spent more time on games. When kids had work to do, it seems (based on conversations with our son and his teacher) kids had more freedom to move around the room. Basically, it seems like the second classroom was a much better fit to our son’s learning style — and perhaps also the learning style of boys in general.

A recent New York Times article by Claire Cain Miller supports this theory. She writes:

Researchers at the University of Virginia compared kindergarten in 2010 and 1998. They found that in just over a decade, teachers had allocated much more time to academic subjects and desk work, and less time to art, music and activities like blocks or dramatic play. The share who said students should learn to read in kindergarten increased to 80 percent from 31 percent.

EducationWeek, which also recently took on this issue, adds:

One early norm — and measure of a child’s success in school — is whether he or she can sit still, pay attention to the teacher, and follow simple classroom rules. These are often the things that kindergarten teachers highlight and discuss in conferences with parents. And quite often, boys fall short.

That’s exactly where we were with our son a year ago. He seemed to simply lack the capacity to do what was being asked of him — and he started acting out.

So do a lot of boys.

Girls are simply better prepared than boys to adjust to modern kindergarten expectations. Executive function development, which includes attention span and impulse control, matures faster for girls. Play-based learning tends to benefit boys more than girls — and that’s what’s being cut to make room for sit-and-focus classroom tasks that used to be reserved for higher grades.

As these articles show, it’s common for parents of boys to have this experience. I’ve seen some conservatives chalk it up to cultural bias against male gender norms. It seems more likely a response to standardized testing expectations — and consequences for schools that don’t meet particular standards.

Indiana on Wednesday reported a major improvement in third-grade reading scores to 87.3% proficiency statewide, up from crisis-level scores between 81% and 82.5% in the years since the pandemic. Leaders across all levels of government issued celebratory statements, signaling these test scores are a huge deal.

The reaction to Indiana’s third-grade literacy rebound provides a taste of the pressure early elementary school teachers must be facing — and almost certainly passing onto children.

An unintended consequence of state and federal emphasis on test scores might be crowding out play-based learning and contributing to the long-term educational disadvantage that we’re seeing with boys.

2. One more thought on schools

macro photography of school bus — Photo by Austin Pacheco on Unsplash

Erika Sanzi wrote a piece that has stuck with me for the past week or so. She articulated something I’ve subconsciously noticed but haven’t really considered:

The mission creep of American schools is undeniable and if we’re being brutally honest, too many schools have become one-stop social services hubs that also teach a little reading and math on the side. Instead of maintaining a focus on academics, schools are stretched to the breaking point, in part because of federal and state mandates and in part because they have been captured by an ideology which demands that every single student need be met before any teaching or learning can occur.
Schools used to be institutions of academic instruction, designed to equip students with the knowledge and skills necessary to become good citizens, prepared to meaningfully participate in a free society. But somewhere along the way, we decided that schools should also become social service hubs that cater to all the needs of students and families and aspire to fix societal problems that extend far beyond education. It seems fair —and even overdue —to seriously ask if it makes sense to continue using the word “school” to describe educational institutions that are also expected (or required!) to provide breakfast, lunch and snack, host immunization clinics, offer wrap-around health services, provide counseling, address declining mental health, disrupt the “school to prison pipeline,” supervise toothbrushing, teach financial literacy and host drag queen story hour.
Putting aside the merits of the services listed for a moment — which vary widely — the question I’m asking is whether or not it’s reasonable or wise to expect a school to do all of these things.

I agree this is something we should be talking about.

3. What I wrote

I’m on a streak of writing retail takes for IndyStar during the past week:

4. What I read

White Mug with a hand — Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash

I’ve read a few books I’ve really enjoyed lately:

“Co-Intelligence: Living and Working with AI” by Ethan Mollick is a tremendous starting point if you’re interested in experimenting with AI and want to develop baseline knowledge.
“How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen” by David Brooks and “Sorry I’m Late, I didn’t Want to Come: One Introvert’s Year of Saying Yes” by Jessica Pan have given me a lot to think about as I make a middle-aged effort to evolve from being a self-centered, antisocial jerk.

5. Pic to go

Here’s a photo from one of my favorite nights this summer in Memphis, which led to my ongoing Elvis obsession.